i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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