Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
