If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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