did you get engaged???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
