I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
