Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
