wanna go halves on a baby?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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