I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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