I faked an abortion last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
