so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
