I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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