I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
