I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
