everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i drank out of a bidet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
