How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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