i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
