You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everclear isn't food dammit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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