dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
