And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
