I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
