All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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