I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
