every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
