I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
