i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
