awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize