Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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