She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
