i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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