New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
