i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
