youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
