I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
pop tarts are not kleenex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize