Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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