I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize