this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
