Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
