How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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