google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize