my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hippo gnu deer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
