I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize