wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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