Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
