It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
