what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
