Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
