I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
