i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
