Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
