I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
