There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
