Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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