I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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