she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
