Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
