Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
