If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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