It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
