My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We got so high we made milksteak
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
