She is in my trunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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