If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
