Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
