laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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