I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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