God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
