He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
