I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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