Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I believe in your delicious
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
