god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
