mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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