once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
