At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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