Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
