so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize